Vi ska inte behöva…

Vi ska inte behöva diagnosera oss själva och peka med hela handen på alla symptom innan läkare tar oss på allvar.

Vi ska inte behöva gå till privatsjukvård för att få hypotyreos diagnoserat och behandlat.

Vi ska inte behöva gå till privatsjukvård för operation och hantering av lipödem.

Vi ska inte behöva vara friska för att klara av pappersarbetet som måste hanteras för att kunna vara sjuk.

Vi ska inte behöva bli bestraffade för att vi är sjuka.

Vi ska inte behöva känna oss som en belastning för samhället, när det är de stora skattesmitarna som är det riktiga problemet.

Vi ska inte behöva tigga till oss LSS-stöd.

Vi ska inte behöva köpa “knark” olagligt för att behandla vår smärta.

Vi ska inte behöva dö innan någon tar våra problem på allvar.

Vi ska inte behöva hamna på nyheterna för att få våra fall behandlade korrekt av Försäkringskassan.

Vi ska inte behöva bollas fram och tillbaka mellan Soc, Försäkringskassan och Arbetsförmedlingen för att ingen bär ansvaret för oss (i flesta av dessa fall är det Försäkringskassan som gör fel, det vet vi redan).

ALL OR NOTHING

I was always told that I was so talented, and gifted. This has had it’s drawbacks and negative affects on my mental health. I got to a point where I could not do anything, unless I was sure that I’d be able to do it as efficient as possible, or reach the best result.

There was no “At least you passed”. Anything below A, (VG/MVG in Swedish grades) was not acceptable to me. A lot of the time I ended up with nothing when I couldn’t reach those goals though.

one of the hardest things to learn as a depressed former Gifted Kid™ is that half-assed is better than nothing. take the 50%, 40%, even 20% job. scrubbing your face is better than not taking a shower at all. picking up your clothes is better than never cleaning. nibbIing on some bread is better than starving.
DO THINGS HALFWAY. NOW YOU’RE 100% BETTER OFF THAN YOU
WERE BEFORE.

written by banananonbinary (on Tumblr)

One of my college professors used to say “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” I didn’t understand that for years because I didn’t do anything poorly. I couldn’t do anything poorly. I had to Do Everything Perfectly.
But brushing your teeth for 30 seconds is better than not brushing them at all when that 2 minutes seems exhausting. Doing ten minutes of yoga is better than 10 minutes of sitting when 30 minutes of cardio sounds impossible. Changing my clothes is good when a whole shower is impossible. Standing on the porch for a few minutes is worth it after being in the house for three straight days because l don’t have the energy to go anywhere.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly… because doing it poorly is better than not doing it.

reply by redheadhatchet (on Tumblr)

The above quotes are quite indicative of how I used to be, and something I still struggle with. I had a conversation about this last night with someone, who needed to hear those words “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly… because doing it poorly is better than not doing it”. And that reminded me to finish this blog post.

This is a post interrupted, but, I want to publish it, rather than not publishing it. As someone else can maybe feel seen, in their imperfections, and their struggles with perfectionism.


If you enjoyed this little article of musings, and would like me to be able to write them more, feel free to head over my patreon and check out the tiers there, $1 can go a long way! 
alternatively, check out my support page for more info.

On Happiness and Chronic-Pain

I feel like there’s this assumption that if you live with chronic-pain you have to be miserable.

I feel like this assumption is put on us by abled-bodied people, as well as ourselves.

I feel like when I tell you that I’m in a lot of pain today, but I’m in a fantastic mood, you do not hear the second part.

I feel like as a society, we disregard the fact that both people with chronic-pain and depression (or other disabilities) can be happy.

While, the depression one can be tricky, but the thing about happiness is that it’s not a constant, it’s something that happens in bursts through your day, or your week, which makes you smile, or enjoy something you’re doing.

It can be when we have a great conversation with a new, or old, friend.

It can be when we get a response to that flirt we sent out, with a wink face.

It can be when our pet does something cute and silly.

It can be when the sun is shining and you just want to enjoy the day.

Even when you’re in pain

Even when you’re depressed

Even when you can’t walk

Even when you’re alone.


If you enjoyed this little article of musings, and would like me to be able to write them more, feel free to head over my patreon and check out the tiers there, $1 can go a long way! 
alternatively, check out my support page for more info.